Why can night weaning be so hard for sensitive kids?
Unpacking the needs of our sensitive and neurodivergent nurslings...
I have been where you are… Wondering how it could possibly be as simple as ‘just send your partner in’ to respond to night wakes instead… or what kind of sorcery exists when a toddler decides to wean *themselves* from their all-night feeding bonanzas…
Some kids seem to manage night weaning in a few nights of tears, cuddles and new ways of coping. For others, moving away from nursing (whether breast or bottle) can feel really hard. For our kids who have a particularly sensitive nervous system - whether they are highly sensitive in their temperament, are autistic, have ADHD, high anxiety or other form of neurodivergence, making changes to nursing routines can be tough going. Here’s why…
Suckling is soothing
The act of suckling on the breast or bottle is incredibly soothing and calming to our child’s nervous system. A child who has a more highly sensitive nervous system will be having to cope with more intense emotions and more overwhelm as a result of all the input they are constantly having to deal with from the environment around them.. So, they may seek out nursing with more frequency, urgency and intensity than a less sensitive child.
Alongside this, some children naturally seek out more sensory input than others…so they may crave nursing as a way to get more of the input their nervous system is looking for. It’s important to know that you can have a mix of thresholds for different types of input, for example - your child may strike you as highly sensitive to sound, whilst also seeking out a lot of oral sensory input to regulate (i.e. chews a lot on objects, constantly wants crunchy snacks, licks things etc.) - Observing what types of sensory input your child tends to seek out and avoid is a good starting point to understanding their underlying sensory needs a bit more clearly.
Change is hard
When the world feels so overwhelming, the brain looks for pattern, routine and predictability as a way to cope. With that, a change to the usual settling routine can feel hard. Night weaning presents a particular challenge, because our child has to cope with change and get used to a new way of settling off to sleep. We can support our child with this by making the changes feel as predictable as possible…
It’s a separation from something they are attached to
Losing this part of your relationship can feel like a separation from a much-loved way of connecting with you. If you are just reducing night feeds or night weaning, but continuing to feed in the daytime, then of course it isn’t the end of nursing completely. However, for kids who are so deeply sensitive, this separation can activate a lot of frustration (which you will see coming out in those big tantrums/meltdowns) and may intensify their need for closeness and support from you.
Although making changes can feel hard, you are absolutely allowed to make them. We have to stay mindful of our own regulation and, if you’re in a place where you are feeling totally touched out and in need of some space, it is important to notice that and honour your own needs too.
There are ways to support your child, to increase the predictability, to find new ways to soothe, co-regulate and to make changes with kindness and connection. I will be diving into all of this in my upcoming LIVE Sensitive Night Weaning Workshop (for toddlers and up) and as a thank you for being here, you can get 20% off using the code FRIENDS20 . I created this workshop because when I was going through this myself, none of the advice resonated with the intensity of my experience…and since that experience, I have worked with hundreds of families as a holistic sleep coach - with sensitive kids being my personal speciality. So… if this is what you need right now, I hope to see you there!
With love,
Suzanna x